MANN BAWARA ....

There are some moments in life when you wish the time would clot, and everything would freeze...

Everything around was looking so beautiful. i was sitting with her on a winter evening in the vast stadium with not a single person around. The sun on the brink of setting was throwing his warm mild orange rays, enhancing her beauty manifold as if he was kissing her goodbye. I was jealous. I was jealous of the cool breeze that was flowing and caressing her silky hair. Her cute little fingers were stroking the threads of her hair. She was looking angelic in her deep maroon salwar kurta. Her face was glowing and eyes were shimmering like always. She was saying something I wasn't listening to but was constantly nodding. I just couldn't concentrate on her talks. Her eyes were so captivating and beauty so engrossing, how could I focus! She was saying something like -" I slipped and fell at... Something something... every body started laughing.... something something...” and burst into laughter herself. i love that innocent smile of hers. She stopped smiling and said - "it’s so cold here yar ". I was wearing a jeans jacket and as the situation demanded, in full filmy style I took it off and put it around her shoulders. She hesitated and said - " are why are you giving me your jacket, wouldn't you feel cold. Idiot ...”. I interrupted -"shut up and wear it "I said looking straight into her eyes. Her eyes protested but mine were firm and they had to surrender. This wasn't the first time she hesitated taking my help. But every time i had to surrender. But that day I won. ‘Good omen ' I thought. 'It’s your day. It’s your moment. Live it ' I heard a voice from inside. We both were looking into each others eyes. For the first time in last four years I could see that her eyes were darting mine with same feeling as mine were darting hers. It was the moment i was longing for, for the past 4 years - when I’d see love for me in her eyes. This was the time for my desire to explode once again. I closed my eyes took a deep breadth and said those magical words - “I LOVE YOU “. This was the third time I was proposing to her. She’d already rejected me twice. But I loved her. All the unfulfilled desires that I kept suppressed inside were emerging. My eyes went moist and slowly tears started rolling down my eyes. I let them flow. She took my hand in hers and gave me a warm smile and then kissed my hands. I got my answer. My joy knew no bounds, but I didn’t leap or shout with joy. I kept looking into her eyes , and let our eyes do all the talking ...

“Why did you take so long to say yes?” my eyes were asking.

-“I was confused. I thought this relationship would lead to nowhere. I was scared that I would not arrive at the destination in life I wanted to, if I say yes to you. You know we have different goals and aspirations, different thinking and all. So I thought we should better walk on different paths. But while walking on those paths I realized that I was losing something, something very important. I was losing love. I was losing you. And now I am no more scared, because I know that you’d always be there for me, and we’d together walk on the paths of life and find ‘our’ destination. We’ll together nurture new dreams and find happiness not only in reaching destinations but in walking on the paths of life too. I’m sorry you had to wait for so long” I could hear her eyes answering back.

-“it’s worth it.”

-“I hope you understand.”

-“yes I do.”

Like this for countless minutes we were silent and our eyes did all the talking. All the dilemmas were erasing. All the wounds of the past were healing. We let it happen. After a long time I finally broke the silence. “Can I say something?” I said, still looking into her eyes. “Yes?” she said expecting something romantic again. “I am freezing” I said shivering. She burst into her innocent laughter. And then gave me a mischievous smile and said-“this jacket is quite large actually” and twinkled her eyes. She opened her arms. I went close to her very close, and in a few seconds our bodies and souls met. We were hugging each other tightly, scared of losing each other. We both immersed ourselves into the blissful moment. All the desires were flowing out like a volcano. I sensed that she was crying. I pushed a little and saw tears in her eyes. “What happened?” I asked. “I am sorry… I am really sorry for what I had done with you all these years.” She was saying and crying. My eyes also went moist. I tried to console her –“It wasn’t your fault. Everyone was right just the situations and circumstances were all wrong.” But she went on –“I knew that no one can love me the way you do, but still was scared to accept that even I love you”. Tears were rolling down my eyes as well when she was saying this. “Sshh...” I said and gently kissed away her tears that were marring her beauty. We were inexplicably close. The temperature outside was dropping, while inside it was soaring to a new heights and in the momentary spur of emotions our lips locked. At that very moment the night floodlights came up! ‘Good omen’! It felt like heaven. I thanked god. Deep inside I heard a voice saying –‘when you really want something the whole universe conspires for it to happen’. I got the love of my life. She was right here with me safe and secure. Yes I had to wait for 4 long years, but this moment is worth it. We moved back a little though the sweet taste of strawberry lipstick was still lingering on my lips. We were so shy! For a few seconds we couldn’t look at each other and when we eventually did, we started laughing. I took her in my arms. The jeans jacket was large enough to accommodate both of us. That was the first time I was grateful to my mum for buying me an oversized jacket. Next we were strolling around and talking about simple things which seemed so beautiful...

-“I didn’t know you use strawberry lipstick”

- “it’s not lipstick its lip gel idiot”

-“Whatever... You girls use so many things!”

-“I don’t use it often, I just applied it today.”

-“ok.. so you came with a plan of kissing me.. huh?”

-“shut up it was you who kissed me..”

-“by the way how long did our kiss last. I mean if someone asks...”

-“shut up!!!”

Our voices started getting lower and lower, and we started fading into darkness. In a few seconds we disappeared into the darkness...

I couldn’t see anything but darkness. I felt chocked as if someone is stalking me. I was suffocating. My head was throbbing as is someone is hammering it. In frenzy I woke up gasping for breath. Yes it was a dream. Everything was a bloody damn dream. The situation was exact contradiction to what I saw in my dreams. Everything was hopelessly dark and terribly gloomy. She was nowhere around. She was far far away. I was already troubled after that day’s meeting with her where she had said bluntly said that she had never loved me neither will. She wanted to concentrate on her future her career and she had no place for things like love in her life. ‘I am already disturbed, please don’t hassle me more. I have nothing against you but I just want to escape from everything and everyone. The only thing that matters to me is my aim. ’ Her words were echoing in my mind. I wish escaping was as easy for me as it was for her. And to add to this entire nuisance was that bloody dream- a shattered one. I don’t know why the hell we’re made to see the dreams that are bound to shatter. I was crying. ‘She’ll never love you’ my inner voice again started its idiotic blabber blabber.

-‘then why can’t I stop loving her?’

-‘its fate! You can never get rid of her.’

-‘to hell with fate! Enough! I am not going to cry over her anymore! There are plenty of beautiful girls around. Life’s too long to lose hope so early and too short to keep cribbing about such things.’

I went to the refrigerator took out a bottle of chilled water and emptied the whole of it. I went to my room opened a drawer and took out my collection of pics of my fav actresses. I zeroed on Hazel (from mp3). I said to my love, rather to myself-“too bad. You missed me. I won’t come back to you, and you won’t get anyone who loves you more than I do. All the best for your boring life. Its time for me to move on!’ . I went back to sleep. I again dreamt of the same dream only this time it was Hazel in place of her… …


READ THE PREQUEL OF MANN BAWARA - CLICK HERE


[DISCLAIMER- THIS IS A PURELY FICTIOUS PIECE OF WORK. THE PURPOUSE OF PRESENTING IT IN 1ST PERSON WAS TO GIVE IT A PERSONAL TOUCH. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY LIFE.]